Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
