I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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