I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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