I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
2020 sucks, I want a refund
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
