Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
