I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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