don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
