Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
