he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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