Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
