somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
