She is in my trunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
