My room smells like vodka and shame
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
