Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize