That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
