dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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