you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
