Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
