i think i have two assholes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
