Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
