Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
