Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize