I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
