I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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