We're facebook friends in real life
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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