He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
