I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
