Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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