Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
