but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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