It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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