this beer tastes like vomit already
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
