you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
