My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
