I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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