so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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