I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
