She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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