Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
