my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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