Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
