I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
