he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
