i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize