I got chris browned last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
