hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
