I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
