just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
