I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
