i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
