I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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