I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
