I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
