i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
