I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
