omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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