I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
