She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
