I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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