imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
