You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
