Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
