I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't notice because vodka
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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