do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
