"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
