I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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