If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
