Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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