I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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