I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
