I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
