i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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