ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize