i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
