There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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