dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love having hate sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
