im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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