There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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