I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
