You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
