I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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