Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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