Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
