cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
