This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize