1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
