PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
