Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
