But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
