I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
