This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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