You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize